Poor George-the-Deskside-Guy

Poor George.

George is a member of the team here at Knox Business Machines.

George's stated position: Manage and mentor the technicians that are supplying services to BullyCustomer

George's real position: Just get through each day without shoving a pencil down his ear canal. Oh. And reply to the customer's AIM messages.

Here is what Poor George had to respond to today:

richBullyCustomer (5:01:06 PM): ...you should know that ticket numbers have already been created since asif was there today for two rebuilds....we can use that and you put T&M on it.
GeorgeVendor (5:01:53 PM): ok..so you approve T&M ...cool...thanks
richBullyCustomer (5:02:39 PM): dont mess around dude....this is serious stuff
GeorgeVendor (5:02:52 PM): huh? Is T&M approved or not?
richBullyCustomer (5:03:41 PM): once again,...you should know this already. T&M of course....remember its an out of scope request
GeorgeVendor (5:03:59 PM): ok...so T&M approved...ok
richBullyCustomer (5:04:15 PM): yes....for the dispatch monday
GeorgeVendor (5:02:52 PM): k

Leyt's analyze this, shall we?
Here it is again...in case you missed it:
RED CAPS ARE MINE

richBullyCustomer (5:01:06 PM): ...you should know that ticket numbers have already been created since asif was there today for two rebuilds....we can use that and you put T&M on it. *WE REQUIRE EXPLICIT AND WRITTEN APPROVAL FOR ALL TIME & MATERIALS WORK PERFORMED, OTHERWISE WE DO NOT GET PAID FOR THAT WORK. IT'S KINDA LIKE NOT READING A CRIMINAL HIS MIRANDA RIGHTS - HE'LL GET OFF BY DEFAULT.
GeorgeVendor (5:01:53 PM): ok..so you approve T&M ...cool...thanks HERE'S POOR GEORGE GETTING HIS EXPLICIT APPROVAL FROM THE CUSTOMER THAT THIS SHOULD BE BILLED T&M
richBullyCustomer (5:02:39 PM): dont mess around dude....this is serious stuff I'm sorry, what? We don't care if it's serious or not. All we want to know is if we're going to get paid or not.
GeorgeVendor (5:02:52 PM): huh? Is T&M approved or not? Good boy, George!
ichBullyCustomer (5:03:41 PM): once again,...you should know this already. T&M of course....remember its an out of scope request Here's the customer trying to make Poor George feel stupid for getting the explicit appoval. Clever, eh?
GeorgeVendor (5:03:59 PM): ok...so T&M approved...ok This is George's polite way of saying "Say you approve this, Jackass, or we're not lifting a fucking finger".
richBullyCustomer (5:04:15 PM): yes....for the dispatch monday This is the customer finally giving in. Whew! That was a lot of work! This is why we need so much overhead.
GeorgeVendor (5:02:52 PM): k

How to Get a Job According to Lucy

Lucy thinks that the solution to the lack of jobs for graduates as well as the massive layoffs we're witnessing is for parents to make their children understand that work is a principle, and that we should make sure our contribution is bigger than our reward.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. It didn't make sense to me either.

Red comments are mine, italics are the text that Lucy copy/pasted from elsewhere. Copy of full and comment-free email in grey at the end...

Lucy
01/09/2009 09:59 PM

Today is Saturday. The headline on the special report section in the local (Singapore) newspaper Strait Times is Out of School, Out of Work - FORGET social inequality, crime and violence, the world's biggest fear now is failing to get a job - or losing one.

I think it is very important for me to share the excerpts with you even though I cannot capture the images (pictures) printed on the newspaper. Read on ….

Tokyo – Student Job-Seekers feel the chill in "Ice Age"
**article snipped because life is too short to read every single word that Lucy copy/pastes**
China – Young and Jobless, millions of young job seekers are in for a tough time
**article snipped because honestly, we know what the article is going to say**
Singapore and Malaysia – Fresh grads in for hard times
**article snipped because...well....the truth is, I'm worried about my own job, hence I don't really give a shit about the plight of Malaysians right now**
India – Desperately seeking jobs
**article snipped because fuck India. We just laid off our entire helpdesk staff and gave those jobs to Indians, and they're about to be rewarded with my own job soon, so I just see this article as whining and crying**
Europe – From varsity to dole queue
**article snipped because...you get the idea....**
United States – Young adults losing out
**article snipped.**

I am quite saddened by this special report. But what can we do? Now watch what Lucy does here. She read somewhere once that you should always end a discussion on a positive note, so she reaches way up inside her ass, wiggles her fingers around, desperately looking for something to pull out, and comes up with...There are plenty. I remember in the book Life Matters, the authors shared why Work Matters. Here are the highlights:

"**snip**It is wonderful when children can take a sense of pride in their parents’ work. Yup. This is what she pulls out of her ass. What, you may ask, does this have to do with a lack of work for graduates (nevermind the lack of work for us adults)? Read on. Trust me - you're going to love the connection she makes.

**snip**They need to learn that work is a principle.
BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, wait! Again:

Let's review:
Lucy copy/pastes a bunch of depressing shit about the world not being able to get work
THEN
Lucy remembers she read something somewhere that has something to do with working
THEN
Lucy decides that the reason graduates can't find work is because...wait for it!.....THEIR PARENTS NEVER TAUGHT THEM THAT WORK IS A PRINCIPLE!!!!! HAHAHA! OHOHO, my stomach hurts. That's just so fantastic how she reaches this conclusion.

There is dignity in it. There is joy.
no, oh no, my sides hurt, please stop!
The reality is that children are happier both now and as adults as they become competent and learn to contribute.
..shit...HAHAhahahAHAHAHAHAHA!!
When we contribute at work, when something happens that makes a difference, when the product or the service of the company improves quality of life for someone, share it! Talk about it. Celebrate it. ..
ha. ha. ahem.

And now, for Lucy's grand final conclusion:
Let’s be mindful that work is a principle and especially in this troubled time of our life history, "Always make our contribution bigger than our reward."

That's right, ladies and gentlmen. If we always make our contribution bigger than our reward, then all graduates will find jobs! Brilliant!

Lucy

============================================

As always, here is Lucy's original email in its entirety, as proof that I am not editing for a laugh. The italics are those sections of text that she had copy and pasted from elsewhere. The fact that all but a few lines are copy/pasted makes me wonder if she even read what she was pasting.

So without further ado, and if you have a spare hour to read crap, here's Lucy's email...

Lucy 01/09/2009 09:59 PM
Today is Saturday. The headline on the special report section in the local (Singapore) newspaper Strait Times is Out of School, Out of Work - FORGET social inequality, crime and violence, the world's biggest fear now is failing to get a job - or losing one.

I think it is very important for me to share the excerpts with you even though I cannot capture the images (pictures) printed on the newspaper. Read on ….

Tokyo – Student Job-Seekers feel the chill in "Ice Age"
At a job fair in Tokyo, fresh graduates scour advertisements for their dream jobs – an increasingly rare find as the global financial crisis hits Japan. Like millions of young job seekers around the world, who are hardest hit by hiring freezes and layoffs, they are in for a long hunt. 22% of firms plan to hire fewer graduates next year than this year. Big hirers say they plan to cut openings for graduates – for the first time in five years.
85,000 non-regular workers expected to lose their jobs between last October and March this year.

Government mulling over plan to reveal names of firms that have withdrawn job offers to college students, a legal breach of contract. Farm ministry offering openings at farms for unemployed people and a number of municipal governments, including Tokyo, offering help for jobless people. China – Young and Jobless, millions of young job seekers are in for a tough time

Thousands thronging a job fair in Xiamen last December. More than six million fresh graduates will enter the labor market this year. College fee refunds for taking rural jobs.

• 6.1 million fresh graduates due to join labor market this year.
• 1.5 million graduates from last year’s batch of 5.6 million still unemployed.
• 9% unemployment rate for new graduates.
• 1,500 Yuan (S$325) starting pay of fresh graduates has stagnated in the last five years.
• One in 10 college students willing to work for free for a few months just to get a job.
  Others eager to work as nannies or domestic helpers.
• Government gives full refund of tuition fees for graduates who find jobs in remote parts of China.
• Government making preferential tax and loan policies for graduates who start businesses.

Singapore and Malaysia – Fresh grads in for hard times

With the number of job vacancies shrinking, those under 30 are finding it tough. The 4.1% unemployment rate of this group is the highest among all age groups.
17,300 jobless people under 30 form 31% of the 55,800 out-of-work Singaporeans and number will grow.

• 4.1% unemployment rate for under 30s is the highest among all age group.
• 145,000 new graduates and diploma-holders compete for jobs each year in Malaysia.
• 25,000 graduates estimated to lack technical and soft skills.
• 4.5% unemployment rate expected this year, up from 3.5 last year.
• 4,700 workers or more expected to be laid off in next three months.
• RM70 million fund set up to retrain unemployed graduates

India – Desperately seeking jobs

One of the thousands of unemployed migrant workers from north India who have gone to Mumbai in search of employment, only to find that getting a job is near impossible. When the gates of an army recruitment center in Punjab opened one morning early last month, some 10,000 unemployed young men waiting outside rushed in. The stampede left two candidates dead.

• 2.5 million graduates join the workforce each year.
• 10% growth needed for the country to cope with growing workforce, but estimated growth is just 7%.
• IT firms pushing back and cutting down hiring of engineers, and cutting wages.
• 65,500 jobs lost as exporters suffer from recessions in the US and Europe.

Europe – From varsity to dole queue

(The newspaper showed) A student facing an anti-riot police officer during a protest in Athens last month. More than a quarter of Greece’s educated youth are unemployed. Those who can find jobs end up in menial positions. The Greek dilemma is shared across the continent, with no resolution in sight.

• 25% of educated youth unemployed in France, Germany, Italy, Spain and Greece.
• Trade unions protect benefits of existing workers – at expense of hiring new ones.
• Sub-standard and "innovative" degrees leave young graduates with few real options.
• Many graduates willing to work for free as interns to impress potential employers.
  Others head straight for the dole queue after graduation.

United States – Young adults losing out

The newspaper showed two pictures. A young woman holding a cardboard "Will Blog 4 Food." Another young man holding another cardboard "Unemploymentality"
20.6% unemployment rate for 16- to 19-years old in November 2008, up from 15.7% the previous year.

• 10.4% for 20-24 age group, up from 7.7%.
• 7.3% for 25-29 age group, up from 5%.
• 6.7% national unemployment rate – the highest in 15 years.
• 1.05 million jobs lost for 35-44 age group between September and November last year, compared to 2007.

I am quite saddened by this special report. The faces on the pictures are haunting. But what can we do? There are plenty. I remember in the book Life Matters, the authors shared why Work Matters. Here are the highlights:

"The truth is that no matter what we do, we only really learn how to work by working. If we know how to work, we have the foundational skill that will enable us to be successful in any job situation.

It is wonderful when children can take a sense of pride in their parents’ work. We may not have the most glamorous job on the planet, but we can teach our children the value of principles such as excellence, interdependence, and contribution. And if for any reason we don’t want our kids to know what we do, maybe we should question whether we should be doing it!
They need to learn that work is a principle. There is dignity in it. There is joy. The reality is that children are happier both now and as adults as they become competent and learn to contribute. As Albert Schweitzer noted, "Example is not the main thing in influence others. It is the only thing." If we want children to love their work – and we do – then we must learn to love ours. As we do, the tone of our comments about work changes, and that rising tide raises all the boats in the family, so to speak. There’s far less "woe is me!" and much more positive excitement about work in the family culture.
Always look for good and pass it on. When we contribute at work, when something happens that makes a difference, when the product or the service of the company improves quality of life for someone, share it! Talk about it. Celebrate it. We will feel good about it, and others in our family will feel good about it, too, as they better understand the meaning and value of the work we do. In order for our work to truly become our love made visible, we need to see work itself as the noble, edifying, character-building, family bonding principle it can be."

Let’s be mindful that work is a principle and especially in this troubled time of our life history, "Always make our contribution bigger than our reward."

Lucy

A Dying Mother's Words: Be Like Paul Newman

This is a long one, so I promise to highlight the segments that are worth reading. First, I'll share Lucy's first paragraph as-is. BUT then I'll have to share it again with my commentary - it's just THAT good! Really - you'll want to read this one. I promise you'll pee your pants!

First thing's first, though. Just to get this out of the way - I sympathize with Lucy for the death of her mother. Not that I know what it feels like, but if the death of my grandmother is any indication, I'm sure I'll be nuts when my mother goes. Having said that, we'll move on to the hysterics... Hang onto your diapers...

11/05/2008 To: 2008 Weekly Message:
First paragraph:
Last Saturday evening when I wrote my personal journal, it was so clear, crystal clear, that a chapter of my life has closed, and a new one is unfolding. When I heard the news that Paul Newman passed away at his home at age 83, I knew for certain that my parents' generation was behind me and now it is up to me to step into the "elder" generation for my family. My mother adored and admired Paul Newman, not just his good look, his craft as an actor, but his character, his compassion, generosity and humanity. She never met him, never heard him in his interviews (because my mother knew very little English), but she read and she knew Paul was a star, not just a Hollywood star, but a star to shine the way for all of us to see and follow. My mother's last words to me were "be a guiding light and always be of service to others, like Paul Newman."

Now, remember, this is my boss Lucy's weekly inspirational email to the team. But she sends this shit to the customer too, because she thinks she has something to teach them as well.

Here it is, the first paragraph again, in case you missed it. My commentary in red italics:
Last Saturday evening when I wrote my personal journal, it was so clear, crystal clear, that a chapter of my life has closed, and a new one is unfolding. Violins cued...AND...When I heard the news that Paul Newman passed away wait. what? Paul Newman? at his home at age 83, I knew for certain that my parents' generation was behind me and now it is up to me to step into the "elder" generation for my family. My mother adored and admired Paul Newman, not just his good look, his craft as an actor, but his character, his compassion, generosity and humanity. She never met him, never heard him in his interviews (because my mother knew very little English STOP. Let's pause here for a second. Her mother is a little old Chinese lady who did not know English, YET she knew who Paul Newman was. I can't WAIT to see where this is going!), but she read and she knew Paul Of course. They're on a first name basis. Surprised? was a star, not just a Hollywood star, but a star to shine the way for all of us to see and follow. I'm sorry, what? The little old Chinese lady who didn't know English just knew by ...what?...scent...6th sense..what? that Paul Newman was a man to follow? Follow how? Follow like Jesus? Follow like John Lennon? Follow how? My mother's last words to me Can't you picture this? "Lucy! Cough! Cough! Come closer. I have something veeery important to tell you with my dying breathe! Come, Lucy! Cough!" were "be a guiding light and always be of service to others, like Paul Newman." "Cough! Cough! Lucy! I am your father!... eeeerm, I mean....be like PAUL NEWMAN! Cough! Sputter!"

Is she fucking serious?!? Be like PAUL NEWMAN???? Her mother used her dying words to advise her to be like PAUL NEWMAN???? Her dying little old Chinese lady mother who couldn't speak English chose PAUL NEWMAN as her DYING WORDS??? Does she think we're stupid?

Ugh!!!! Whatever.

The rest isn't even worth reading. But, if you must, here it is... Straight from the Jackass' mouth.... my boss.... LUCY.

Many of you already heard the announcement that I am transitioning to a new role as the Growth Markets Business Development Director on the blah blah Integrated Account team. My primary focus there will be to learn about blahblah's business and IT strategy in Asia, and how to align blehbleh's capabilities, offerings and investments to grow with blahblah in Asia. In the first year, I will travel back-and-forth to build the relationship (global and regional), define the opportunity in the growth markets, what is the architecture, where is it based, and how blehbleh positioned to help them. I am looking forward for this opportunity that bloop and bleep created for me. I am extremely grateful. At the same time, I will always carry blurp in my heart. After associated with it so intimately for 9 years, it means a great deal to me, especially the people I work with day-in-and-day-out, so many have become my good friends.

9 years is a long time. Having a long-term relationship is very precious. Not only together we accomplished a great deal, renovated IT Infrastructure at blurp multiple times, cultivated many new opportunities at blurpee, re-established the company-to-company relationship, also individually we all became better professionals, better people, and better collaborators.

Reflecting on the 9 years, I have learned and lived many life lessons while I also produced some of my best works in my career. In this week's message, I will share some of the gifts of the years with you.

Adventure into new responsibility is scary - When we reached beyond our comfort zone, anxious feelings are inevitable. At such times, remember Fear is connected with Joy. We need new experiences to keep our minds fresh. We need new opportunities to feed the creativity of our soul. We need new adventure for our personal growth. Through these experiences, we discover new parts of ourselves. We might just reveal strength, courage, resilience we didn't know we had.

Challenge ourselves and take a risk - One of the biggest roadblocks we face when learning new things is the fear of doing it wrong. So many opportunities come and go because we are afraid to look foolish. Growth requires us to let down our guard and stop having self-doubt. Resolve to take a risk and let us be ourselves and we will succeed.

Reality is something to rise above - Great things are accomplished when we believe that what's inside of us is superior to our circumstances. We may have to dig deep for our courage but it is there. Rise above any fear and doubt that's holding us back. Remind ourself that we are in control, that the time to live is today!

Open our arms to change, but remember do not let go of our values - Facing daily challenges and trying to stay in control with the values we hold dear is not always easy. Values like integrity, loyalty, faith, compassion, courage and a sense of community all work together to give us inner direction and purpose. Values build personal resiliency, which in turns helps us to bounce back from adversity, and embrace new opportunities. Take time to reflect on our values and then go out and put them into action!

Make personal plans - "What do I want to accomplish?" "What will make me happiest?" are difficult questions to answer. What more difficult is cultivating a plan to achieve them. Always make time to decide what really matters. No one can do this for us except ourselves. We are the only one who can cultivate our goals and aspirations, decide how we are going to achieve them and patiently pursue them. If we don't we risk letting others make plans for us. "Our decisions shape our destiny." She must've learned this shit from Paul Newman.


There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all - A smile can soften hearts and firm up commitments. It can mend friendships and break tensions. It can reassure and give support. It can make memories. It can make the world a better place. I personally like to hug others which give comfort and support.

Let go of resentment - Resentment is like a parasite. Fuck her. Resentment is what lets me sleep at night. It feeds on us and leaves us weakened by its presence. Its only purpose is to take from us. There's simply no room in our life for this negative energy. Focus on what we do have, and concentrate on what could be. Give all the space in our lives for better things.

Finding balance is the key to personal fulfillment - If our life was a symphony, all the different parts of it could be represented by the different sections of the orchestra. All the parts would work together to produce beautiful harmonies. Not one section would conflict with the other. Assess our lives as a whole with complementary parts, rather than broken fragments competing for our time and attention. Live in full awareness of the whole not the parts.

Winning is not everything but wanting to is - Perseverance is the golden key to being successful in anything we do. When we fall, perseverance tells us to get up. When we are defeated, perseverance tells us to try again. When we feel like quitting, perseverance doesn't let us. If at first we don't succeed, try, try, try again. The secret to being a winner is wanting to win. Also any failures that we experience can be transformed into something of worth. The lessons will become stepping stones to the success we seek.

What really touches another's heart are the intangible gifts we give - In the final analysis though, what we accomplished, the awards and accolades we won, would be fleeting. "What We Do" is never as important and lasting as "Who We Are." One of the most treasured gifts is the ability to give ourselves without expecting something in return. Gifts of hearts, such as encouragement, hope, love, a kind word and appreciation, is comparable to nothing else. Our soul becomes filled with a sense of calmness and the burdens of the world seem weightless. My God, she just blathers on and on.

In closing, I want to thank all of you for your encouragement, support, and friendship. As human beings, we were created to be part of a larger community. Belonging to a community brings purpose to our life and feeds us with energy, life and joy. I hope you will continue to fully experience the feeling of synergy that comes from spending time to serve our clients, to support each other in our work, and to make our company we all can be proud of. Over the years, as the DPE, PE and CD for this account team, I experienced the sharing, the mutual commitment and enjoyed the company of like minds and kindred spirts. I fully appreciated how the sum of a community is far greater than its parts. This 9 years working with bleep and with all of you have given me this incredible feeling of community.
I am eternally grateful and I will always treasure the memories as long as I shall live.

So long and farewell ......

Let's keep in touch. Below is my new job title and "same" contact information.

Lucy
Finally: Lucy shuts the fuck up.

Chinese New Year... or How Little My Boss Thinks of Us Americans

My boss is Chinese. This is important to the story...
In one of her first weekly attempts to impart her wisdom to her American workers (including me), my boss Lucy decides to share her view that Americans are imperialists, egocentric, and globally uneducated. Boy, this really got me motivated to do my job! Read for yourself...
(Red italics are my own inserts).

From: Lucy Recipients:
2009 Weekly Message
Subject: Chinese New YearDate: 01/23/2009 02:53:18 AM
My 2009 January Account Planning (Learning in this case since I am quite new in the job role) in Asia is coming to a close. It was a very productive trip (from business perspective) as well as enjoyable (from personal perspective). Tomorrow I will pack up to take a 5pm flight from Hong Kong to return to New York City.

I learned tons business wise. In addition, I experienced America and being an American amidst the voices, minds and hearts of the Singaporeans, Filipinos, and Chinese. The news out here is global. There are frequently interesting stories from many countries being featured. The center of universe is not just America like back in the States. And when they have political analysis, the panelists are not the typical self-promote pundits eager to fill the air waves like those on Fox News and CNN. By the way, the CNN programs are better quality here than in the States (my opinion). I found the political discussions on the television programs in this part of the world actually very thoughtfully and professionally put together. The moderator/newscaster usually asks intelligent, well-prepared questions, focusing on what really matters. The discussions are deep in context and well researched by educators and thinkers – they definitely keep their words to minimal but majoring in the insights and implications. My mind does not have to filter out the noises of the pundits; instead my mind is being challenged to think broadly and differently. One impression I formed on this trip is that many more people in this region are using the English / American languages to express their worldview better than those in America.


The crescendo in the past few weeks over here was the same as in the States – majority of the people were waiting joyfully for Obama to officially become the President of United States. Several taxi drivers voluntarily shared with me their hopes for a much better world because of Obama. They truly believe and have faith that the problems of the world today will be addressed satisfactorily by Obama and his leadership. Some Chinese people I met told me “You Americans are lucky again to have such a good president!” The question I asked myself often, “will we become responsible citizens to help shape the 21st century now that we have chosen wisely on our leader? What personal responsibility and sacrifice are we willing to put forth?”

On the personal side, I experienced acts of kindness and generosity every day. Dalai Lama once said, “I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove fears and insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life.” I begin to have a better appreciation of his teaching.

And here she makes the leap from America-bashing to sentimental Chinesery

After three weeks away, I am not just going home. I am going home for Chinese New Year which is on January 26, Monday. While I was in Singapore, I read the most beautiful sentiment ever expressed for what Chinese New Year means to the Chinese families. Picture a young couple in their late 20’s, may be early 30’s. The young man was holding their 2 year old daughter, and the young woman was holding their 3 month old son. She said, "I look forward to Chinese New Year as I have been brought up in an environment with strong family ties. One of the traditions I observe is to go back to my parents’ place in the morning on the first day of Chinese New Year to serve them tea, to show my deepest respect, love and gratitude to them. I would like my children to know that Chinese New Year is not only about strong family ties, but that it takes efforts and consistency to maintain them. It is not something that we should take for granted. The only way to pass down these values is to be a good role model and create an environment which stresses the importance of family values and ties.” No wonder in the recent BBC News, it reported that the Chinese authorities are trying to calm the fears of millions of railway travelers anxious to get home for the traditional Lunar New Year.
City railway stations are reporting more passengers than usual as migrant workers head for their rural homes. Each day, tens of thousands of passengers pass through the vast waiting halls at Beijing's West Railway Station. The station handled 130,000 departing passengers one day recently, about 38,000 more than the usual daily average, according to the official Xinhua news agency.

China's railway network is expected to handle about 188 million passengers this year, 8% up on last year, according to the Ministry of Railways. Many news updates use the phrase “early exodus” – now that is a biblical word – may be going home really is a salvation to the Chinese especially the migrant workers.

Lucy